honesty hour. I’m just a little depressed and I feel like I’ve lost all confidence in myself and my ability to pursue my passions/ become a responsible self sustaining adult. I feel stuck and my only solution is to flee the country in some grand scheme of teaching english abroad. While part of me tries to convince myself that the reason I want to is my thirst for adventure, variety and experiencing/learning a new way of life, that is only a fraction of the truth. If I am really honest with myself it is to avoid admitting I’ve failed or trying to actually start a career. It’s avoiding the fact that I’m afraid I’ll never get a job that’s “good enough” or have a job that wants me.
I know its unhealthy to compare yourself to others, but I’ve been doing it lately and I am embarrassed with myself and my current situation. I want a change. I want out of my house. I want to stop feeling worthless.
So I run. Like I’ve done time and time again, always mistakenly thinking a change of scenery with change me into the person I “really am”, a better version of myself. But running isn’t the answer. I don’t know what is, but I need to find out soon.